Monday, June 06, 2005

Secret Identity Revealed

The identity of "Deep Throat" has been revealed. In the same tradition, it is time for the secret identity of "F'er" to be laid bare as well. But first, please read this F.A.Q.

1. Why did you hold on to your secret for so long?

Well, it is a dangerous thing to reveal your true identity when you write such scathing criticisms concerning powerful institutions and mafia families. If I had come out with the truth earlier, I might not have been an effective agent of social and political change for very long. By ending my anonymity, I am putting my life in danger.

2. So why now?

First of all, my friends and family have been encouraging me to do this for a long time. Secondly, I have recently installed a state of the art security system and will be concealing myself in an underground and renovated nuclear-proof bunker that I purchased from the government after the collapse of the Berlin Wall. I call it the "Mother Nest" (I painted the name in appropriate locations. Plus, there's a neat little banner that tells you you are entering the "Mother Nest" when you step out of the elevator. Hopefully I'll have an official sign erected soon :).

3. What's next?

I post an official challenge to any self-proclaimed "hero" that would wish to launch an assault upon my armed and armored underground battlestation. For the first challenger to successfully penetrate my defense grid and capture my physical person inside of the transfer chamber, the coveted title of "Champion of the Milky Way galaxy" and a $50 gift certificate to The GAP will be duly awarded.

4. Ok...but what's the catch?

No catch. But come swiftly, because if you are too late, I will have already transferred my physical person into the information network and been broadcast into the lives of every internet user in the Milky Way galaxy.

5. Were you involved in that presidential scandal about money and greed and power?

Yep, that was me, F'er. Or shall I say...Eggbert Bombay Richarchardson IV?

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