Monday, September 20, 2004

In spirit and in truth?

It's been a while since we've actually heard from F'er. And while one could possibly make conjectures about F'er based on his blog entries (I will freely admit there is a lot of F'er in these blog posts), perhaps we need to return to some more blatant honesty. Every once in a while, a writer may be called to emerge from behind the curtain. I ask you now to indeed pay attention to the man behind the curtain! At the same time...be careful! You can't totally separate the F'er from his words. F'er is words. As spoken by Lauren Hill, "Me without a mike is like a beat without a snare." Okay, so I really didn't have a very good reason for quoting the Fugees.

I find myself wanting to be a true worshiper of God...

"Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth." -- John 4:23-4

All I know is that this passage resonates with such truth for me. Maybe it has to do with the fact that there are three forms of "truth" in the verse itself. I found myself wanting to walk over to the railing overlooking the ground floor of the library last night. I imagined myself declaring these verses to my fellow hard-working students, and watching their confused faces while I just looked on with a grin before turning to leave. In fact, I really don't completely understand what Jesus means when he says this, and I hope it is not because I am like the hardened pathway, or the rocky or thorny soil. I want to meditate on these words. As for my fancies of being a crazed, soap-box preacher, perhaps that just sprung from my recent desire to speak words of truth. I desire the Holy Spirit to impart me, to charge me with a surge of profundity, that when I speak in passing conversation to my brothers and sisters, God's words would pierce the walls of their doubt and misunderstanding.

What does it really mean to worship "in spirit and in truth?" I mean, I feel like I could give a simple explanation, but I also feel that there is something deeper that needs to be uncovered. I would love to hear a sermon about worshipping in spirit and in truth. Worship is a personal offering to God. We can worship in singing, writing, giving, what have you. It compliments the work that we do in His name. Our worship is the tasting of life-giving waters:

"But whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." -- John 4:14

We are given abundant life. Thus, even in a desert place (a picture of an old map...the Sahara), we can bring life to those dying around us. Because "the Father seeks." We do not have to search for our destiny. We don't have to probe the singulartiy of the black hole to find truth. I don't really have to worry so much about where to go after graduation. I listened to a song today that spoke to some of my recent feelings. The climax (yes, climax) of the song goes like this:

"This place that I'm supposed to be,
is not the chair of a desk in front of a mirror
Can't you see that it's not here or there or anywhere
But in speaking distance with God,
and where can you go that's too far?
Because I can worship him anywhere.
Yes I can worship him anywhere."
-- Plankeye -- 'Bicycle'

There's a certain freedom in that. It's good to know that I don't have to go and "find myself," that there is a purpose for me being where I am today. I am here to worship my God. I can read the Bible in the library. And even here there is a harvest. I see a lot of thirsty people around me. They want something true, kinda like me, but they don't know where it is. So, like I said, it doesn't matter so much where I go. Yet I still find myself thinking of West Africa and pirates and diamonds. And I wonder if I'm trying too hard. I see a plausible connection. Trouble is, do I see a connection between oracles and the stream of consciousness? I suppose time will tell. Likely, I'll look back on this blog and chuckle.

F'er continues to hide. F'er has been dealing with a lot of strange new things. F'er is listening to emo-punk. F'er wants to worship in "spirit and in truth." But F'er also wants to do something, and perhaps that is the hardest part, the most challenging.

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