my shadow

We all have dark things that follow us. They are our shadows. And they're most hideous and powerful at night, because they're all around you. Feelings, whatever they may be, are amplified at night because of the shadows. Shadows are feelings. And they have names. Mine is Loneliness. What is so aggravating about Loneliness is that he (although it very well could be a she) stares at me through other people. That's how he taunts me. He has fun in crowds. And then, in an empty room, he whispers these deafening noises into my ear...no, not in my ear, but it gets to my head nevertheless. And he's all I can think about. I remember in middle school, how I used to bend my head to the ground and it did damage to my back. It was his fault. Though my head may be held high nowadays...it's funny, I still can't look at people in the eye. Because sometimes he's still there. And boy do I curse my shadow! I blame him for a lot of things in my life. But he keeps me company. In fact, sometimes I get this funny idea, and I don't know if it's true, but I get to thinking that maybe I put him on a leash. Maybe I'm not really trying to walk away from him. I think I might actually be taking him for a walk. Why else would he want to stick around with me? Anyway, I still get this other idea...this is one that I've had for a lot longer, but I suppose it must be even more untrue, beacause I can't find very solid evidence in favor of this one. At any rate, the idea goes something like this: Loneliness is gonna face something fierce one day. It's gonna come up against something he's never seen before and run away. And then something new will follow me around. Another shadow? I don't think so. But it won't be Loneliness.