Penance

Alex finished his set and stepped offstage. He felt a little embarrased, as he always did after a performance. It was a strange profession for someone like Alex to choose, someone who felt uncomfortable and out of place under the bright glare of a spotlight. But the act was over and behind him once again, and once again he would be ready to face the few spectators who would approach him to pay their tributary respects and flatter the musical talent that Alex never quite felt he genuinely had.

After sealing his guitar away in its black hard case, he stepped out into the dimly lit room. His friend Josh came forward and the two exchanged a smooth ritualistic hand shake. It was a casual yet necessary gesture that signified, not only their mutual recognition of friendship, but their sense of brotherhood and shared experiences. "That was awesome, dude," his friend congratulated.

Alex forced out a little chuckle and looked away across the room. "Thanks," he quietly responded as he began to wind up his cords and stow away his equipment. Keeping himself occupied was a good way to potentially ward off the awkwardness of this sort of conversation. How was he supposed to respond?

"Hey," Josh quickly interjected, "I want you to meet my friend Mogely." Alex turned from his task and acknowledged the presence of the young guy that had been standing next to his friend. This young man, who appeared to be in his early 20's, took a step forward and threw forward his hand with a broad, friendly smile. Alex politley offered his own hand and the two exhanged a brief, single shake. It was a quick gesture, but Alex was momentarily surprised by both the warmth and strength in the young man's grip.

"Nice to meet you," they both said. And the three men stood around for a moment, wondering what to say to each other. Alex already knew a little bit about Mogely's story from Josh. He had just been released from prison a few days earlier, now a born-again Christian trying to get back on his feet. And while Mogely professed his intentions to begin a new life, to walk forward upon the straight and narrow, Josh was there to mentor him and safeguard him from the snares of the past. Society, although with good intention, was already forcing him to confront certain past habits and addictions in the form of volunteer programs and support groups.

After talking for a few minutes about coffee and basketball, Alex asked Josh if he could help him carry his amplifier outside to his car. Bringing it inside had taken more energy than Alex was now left with. Mogley, however, immediately responded, and squating down, fought to get a firm hold on the ridiculously heavy machine. Standing up, he asked in a friendly voice, yet with a slight, involuntary grimace, "Which way?"

"Oh...ah...follow me," Alex hesitatingly replied, a bit surprised at Mogely's action. Alex, unawares, picked up his guitar, and the two young men began to walk outside toward the parking lot. Alex suddenly realized his rudeness and turned back to say, "Do you want some help, dude? I know that's pretty heavy."

"Oh, no, it's all good, man. I used to have to carry these heavy boxes all the time when I used to work at a warehouse." Alex could see that his arms were beginning to shake, and he ran ahead to unlock the back of his car. Mogley shuffled over to the vehicle, struggling under the weight of the amp, yet trying hard to hide the obvious strain. Setting it down as gently as he could, he took a deep breath and told Alex, "Well hey, man, it was good to meet you. Maybe I'll see you around again."

"Yeah, totally," Alex responded. After a final moment of staring silence, they again shook hands and Mogley turned to go back inside the cafe.

Alex just stood and watched as the young man walked away. What had just happened? There seemed to be something extremely significant in the interaction that had just taken place. Mogely had grabbed that heavy amplifier as a man that was somehow desperate. There was such a strange necessity in his reaction to the call for assisstance, and it hadn't even been directed at him really. And then Alex began to think about the concept of penance. Are we expected to pay a penance for the sins we commit? Alex got into his car and sat there in silence. He was overcome with sudden and immense guilt.